There are thousands of half-babies in my ballsack and that’s terrifying
at least you don’t bleed them out every month
you make a compelling argument
The early bird may get the worm, but worms suck. Night owls get small woodland creatures, and they don’t have to put up with traffic. Fuck worms. Stay up late.
when you’re typing “good morning” and you accidentally type “hood morning”
I wish adults would understand that children are people too, with complex thoughts and emotions, and not just idiots you need to control all the time
—Jean-Paul Sartre (via malevia)
sir will you please stop doing the worm your wife is in labor